i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
