It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
