I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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