One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
