I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
