I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I understand Curling. That high.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
So vagazzling was a success
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
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