There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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