they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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