1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
