Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
