she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
