Tell her she can't have a vagina
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
