forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
