let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
