Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
