Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I need to sanitize my soul.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
