It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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