I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
