loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
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