and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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