my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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