Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
3 2 1 whiskey
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
