is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
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