and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
