just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I supernannyed him into submission
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Randomize
