I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
