butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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