In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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