That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
