Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
