I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
