Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Vodka?
Forever.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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