I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
