so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
