I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
