Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
