My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
