Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
