He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
