So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
