Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
