She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
