Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
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