party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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