i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
