Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
