He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Randomize
