Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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