Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
