The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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