I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
The feeling are messing with the penis
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
