My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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