pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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