i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
